I’d like to share with you a knowing that revealed itself the other day. It happened in an instant of heart opening to a deep pain that welled up, and that felt very, very familiar. The pain had covered over the knowing, and it took being willing to feel the pain fully, to be totally present with it, before the knowing could emerge in its full force and its full clarity.
The pain was, in its essence, the pain of being disconnected from love. The pain of losing my very being, which I knew to be Love. My whole life was suffused by this pain. The pain covered over the knowing of Love, until this knowing started shining through again, revealing itself in many ways, over and over. The way the pain expressed in my life was as depression, emotional disconnect, and as a total focus on the mind. The depression was excruciating in my teens and lifted somewhat in my twenties. Helped by many years of psychotherapy and emotional healing in my thirties, I started opening back up emotionally. My love affair with the mind slowly gave way to a life lived more fully at all levels: physical, emotional, mental, and eventually even spiritual.